top five most requested targets
for the Solar Death Ray.
Because Twinkies are yellow, I
wasn't sure if the death ray
would be able to heat it
effectively, which is why I spray
painted half of the Twinkie black.
This poor little snack seemed
utterly unprotected, but the
yellow sponge cake would not go
quietly into that good night!
Mustering all of it's fortitude and
filling, it stood tall and fought off
the death ray using the notorious
Twinkie Defense! The Twinkie
quickly started dripping molten
filling from the painted side, and
the high winds threw the goo into
both the Solar Death Ray and
Race. Three mirrors were hit,
and Race's shirt will need to be
laundered. While I respected the
Twinkie's tenacity, it's defensive
tactic only delayed the inevitable.
Soon the destruction spread
form the spray painted side to
the pristine end. A mixture of
filling and molten sugar dripped
from the entire length of the
Twinkie as it smoldered and
charred. Once the death ray was
shut down, I probed the carcass
with a "science stick." The
surface was surprisingly hard,
quite different from the spongy
resilience of the unscathed
Twinkie. My efforts to pierce the
burnt, blackened outer layers of
the Twinkie reminded me of that
scene at the end of
Ghostbusters where Dana
Barrett is pulled from the
scorched husk of a demon-dog. I
eventually broke threw the
exterior and found a massive
cavern. The entire inside of the
Twinkie was hollow, a most
unexpected discovery! No sign of
Sigourney Weaver, though.
