popularized the beard about 2000 years ago, and Abe Lincoln
was fairly innovative, but a truly revolutionary style of facial hair
hasn't been developed since the mutton chop... until now!
Presenting: the Neck-Beard!
aid on the left, a Neck-Beard
is a beard that is grown
entirely on the neck. There is
no hair on the jaw or above.
You don't have to be bald to
grow a Neck-Beard, but it
would help. You should always
wear sunglasses when
sporting a Neck-Beard,
because when you're that cool
the sun shines on you 24/7.
it's also the safest form of facial hair. Why are we dragging razor
blades across our necks?! Stop the insanity! Grow a Neck-Beard!
The Neck-Beard is THE beard of the twenty-first century. Get in
on the ground floor people, so that someday you will be able to
tell your grandchildren "I was there. I grew a Neck-Beard."
As a special incentive to kickoff this revolution, I will post photos
of people sporting Neck-Beards on this page. Who among you
has what it takes?
E-mail your Neck-Beard photos to
"burnthis@solardeathray.com," and make sure you mention
Neck-Beard in the subject line!
Jesse here is a guy who
knows how shave!
Thoreau was sporting a Neck-Beard back in
the 19th century! This shouldn't be too
surprising, as the Neck-Beard is clearly a
facial hair form of civil disobedience.
bad Mother...
reader sent in:
"Behold the neck-beard sported by an
unknown relative of mine! The image
appears on a fragile glass-plate
daguerreotype that I scanned in order to
better preserve it."
But as Axl Rose observed:
what's so civil about war anyway?
anyone wants to ridicule Neck-Beards,
I think James and his mighty facial hair
could easily crush them.